H-2518

TO THE HONORABLE GEORGE BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AND TO THE PRESIDENT OF THE SENATE AND THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, AND TO THE SENATE AND HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OF THE UNITED STATES, IN CONGRESS ASSEMBLED:

We, your Memorialists, the Senate and House of Representatives of the State of Washington, in legislative session assembled, respectfully represent and petition as follows:

WHEREAS, The United States Constitution, Article IV, section 3 states in part that "... no new state shall be formed or erected within the jurisdiction of any other state; nor any state be formed by the junction of two or more states, or parts of states, without the consent of the legislature of states concerned as well as of the congress,"; and

WHEREAS, Eastern Washington citizens are often noted for disparaging the west side of the state; and

WHEREAS, Copious amounts of tax moneys flow from the east side of the state to the west side of the state, never to be seen or heard from again;

NOW, THEREFORE, Your Memorialists respectfully pray that the Congress of the United States consent to the formation of a new territory named Lincoln out of the eastern portion of the state of Washington, with its western boundary being the crest of the Cascade mountain range, and retain the western portion of the state as the state of Washington, with Thomas Foley and Sid Morrison being its first joint governors, and that after sufficient time has elapsed for the territory of Lincoln to grow up, it may become a full-fledged state of the union, as soon as it has paid its dues, subject to the following conditions:

(1) The new capital of Lincoln territory shall be Ritzville, in honor of the famous cracker;

(2) The city of Yakima shall change its name to Caesar Chavez, in honor of its favorite son;

(3) The Tri-Cities shall be consolidated into one city to be known as Fondaville, in honor of regional cooperation;

(4) The territorial tree shall be the telephone pole, in honor of this memorial being wired;

(5) The territorial university located at Pullman shall join the Big Sky conference, in honor of its outstanding accomplishments on the gridiron in a cat fight against its big brother, an acknowledged athletic superior, which is located on an old dump;

(6) The territorial fruit shall be the crabapple, in honor of its attitude toward its ALARming big brother;

(7) The territorial seed shall be the hayseed, in honor of its accomplishments;

(8) Use of the territorial motor vehicle fuel tax shall be limited to public transit purposes, in honor of its miles of roads to nowhere, and that the transit system provide door-to-door after-hours services for transporting scholars from their field studies in Moscow back to their abodes in Pullman;

(9) The territorial flower shall be garlic, in honor of its hot air;

(10) The territorial soil shall be sand, in honor of its true grit and its major geologic feature;

(11) The territorial deodorant shall be Arid Extra Dry, in honor of this being water under the bridge;

(12) The territorial building shall be the dual occupancy outhouse, in recognition of the territorial citizens' companionable attitude toward those with environmental concerns;

(13) The territorial fence shall be barbed wire, in honor of the sharp wits of its legislators;

(14) The territorial bird shall be the Old Crow, in honor of its ability to gloat and in the hope that this memorial does not get bottled up;

(15) The motto of the territory of Lincoln shall be "Well, I'll be dammed"; and

(16) The county and city of Walla Walla shall both be known as Walla, for being without the western half of Washington state it will be only half the place it used to be.

BE IT RESOLVED, That copies of this Memorial be immediately transmitted to the Honorable George Bush, President of the United States, the President of the United States Senate, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and to each member of Congress from the State of Washington.