HR 4632
ByRepresentatives Jinkins, Wilcox, Abbarno, Barkis, Bateman, Berg, Bergquist, Berry, Boehnke, Bronoske, Caldier, Callan, Chambers, Chandler, Chapman, Chase, Chopp, Cody, Corry, Davis, Dent, Dolan, Duerr, Dufault, Dye, Entenman, Eslick, Fey, Fitzgibbon, Frame, Gilday, Goehner, Goodman, Graham, Gregerson, Griffey, Hackney, Hansen, Harris, Harris-Talley, Hoff, Jacobsen, J. Johnson, Kirby, Klicker, Klippert, Kloba, Kraft, Kretz, Leavitt, Lekanoff, Lovick, MacEwen, Macri, Maycumber, McCaslin, McEntire, Morgan, Mosbrucker, Orcutt, Ormsby, Ortiz-Self, Orwall, Paul, Peterson, Pollet, Ramel, Ramos, Riccelli, Robertson, Rude, Rule, Ryu, Santos, Schmick, Sells, Senn, Shewmake, Simmons, Slatter, Springer, Steele, Stokesbary, Stonier, Sullivan, Sutherland, Taylor, Thai, Tharinger, Valdez, Vick, Volz, Walen, Walsh, Wicks, Wylie, Ybarra, and Young
WHEREAS, Cathy Maynard has served as Speaker's Attorney for longer than anyone can remember; certainly no one remembers hiring her, but everyone agrees she is just part of the House of Representatives, much like the piano on the floor (but considerably more useful); and
WHEREAS, As best can be recreated, President Thomas Jefferson sent Lewis and Clark on their famous expedition in 1806 with specific instructions to "explore and discover a wondrous expanse wherein a future state can be formed and in which can be born a parliamentary legend and giant of process and policy for said state, and also be careful of bears"; and
WHEREAS, Historians debate the authenticity of this Jefferson quote, but it cannot be debated that Olympia was eventually made the capital of the great State of Washington, and that the first state legislature met in 1889; and
WHEREAS, After that first legislature met in 1889, they all agreed that they had no idea what they were really doing, so they decided to just wing it and hope for the best until someone could come and make sense of the hot mess that was their parliamentary process; and
WHEREAS, Pretty much nothing happened after that until an auspicious April 1st, commonly known as April Fool's Day, when Cathy Maynard was born, and her parents recall her first words as being "So ordered," with her asking for things and then saying "So ordered," and her parents would go to fetch them; and
WHEREAS, Cathy did some other stuff that doesn't really matter, because what matters is that she eventually started her true calling in the Legislature with That Other Body, serving as a legislative aide, counsel, and staff coordinator in the Senate from 1986-1989; and
WHEREAS, In 1989, Cathy realized that her life was going nowhere, and she further realized that it wasn't her (it was Them; she just wasn't really that into Them!), and so she left That Other Body and came to the true beacon of liberty, justice, policy, and much quicker voting: The august House of Representatives; and
WHEREAS, There was an inexplicable period where for some strange reason (probably lapse of collective judgment) Cathy was not Speaker's Counsel, serving instead as just a regular (but still awesome!) counsel and then a senior counsel in the House of Representatives; and
WHEREAS, In 1999, everyone finally figured out what was wrong and made her Speaker's Attorney, which really worked much better for everyone and ushered in a new era of comity, great policy, stellar referrals, and all around good floor type stuff ever since; and
WHEREAS, While there have been other qualified and capable Speaker's Attorneys throughout the history of this illustrious body, only Cathy has been able to quell uprisings, restore order, and even completely defeat motions and amendments with no more than a harsh glance directed at the lead rabble-rouser; and
WHEREAS, Her parliamentary feats are renowned far and wide to the point that it is hard to separate myth from truth, and so we may never know whether she once found a bill out of order for being outside its own scope, but it sounds like something she could do for sure; and
WHEREAS, Cathy's institutional memory, legislative finesse, and constitutional expertise often led a former Speaker of the House to refer to his attorney as "Mrs. Speaker"; and
WHEREAS, Hiring Cathy proved to be the greatest economic development program ever undertaken by the state, with the state economy nearly doubling and companies such as Amazon, Starbucks, Microsoft, and Costco becoming titans on her watch; and
WHEREAS, She really has no faults, except that she refuses to drive in the snow, and so it is that a series of drivers has had the honor of picking her up for work and bringing her through the frozen wastes, including the current Speaker of the House (who, in addition to possessing considerable legislative prowess, seems also to be pretty okay at driving in the snow); and
WHEREAS, We don't know for sure when the next Rules Committee meeting will be, nor do we know how many pulls everyone will get, and there's no such thing as a "Hold List" (but, if there were, your bill is for sure on it), so just stop asking Cathy about all this because she already knows you want your bill pulled and ran on the floor, so just stop it, stop it right now, okay? We're running a retirement resolution, for crying out loud!; and
WHEREAS, Cathy Maynard has afforded the House the highest levels of excellence, loyalty, decorum, and appropriate feistiness during her many capacities as a most distinguished lawyer and supporter of the Legislature; and
WHEREAS, Cathy has counseled, mentored, and advised members and staff, both experienced and new, on parliamentary rules, procedures, ethics, and the nuances of lawmaking; and
WHEREAS, Cathy has announced that she is retiring this year; we think it has something to do with Peppers closing down, and no one really knows what to do about it because she's certainly earned it, but we're honestly not sure if we can keep having the Legislature without her (we're checking); and
WHEREAS, There's both so much more to say and yet nothing left to say about such a great woman, other than we wish she wouldn't retire (please?);
NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives hereby direct the Chief Clerk to look into Cathy's paperwork and take such steps as may be necessary or advisable to deny her retirement; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That whatever must be done to prevail upon Cathy to stay on as Speaker's Attorney for just a couple more decades be done, including getting her some of those Oaxacan carvings she likes so much; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That if Cathy cannot be made to stay on and not leave us, then we reluctantly wish her the best and urge everyone to join with us to celebrate and honor the life, legacy, work, service, and general awesomeness of Cathy Maynard.
I hereby certify this to be a true and correct copy of
Resolution 4632 adopted by the House of Representatives
April 24, 2021
Bernard Dean, Chief Clerk